(HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEVE!)
Selina Kyle was feeling pleased with herself. It was so much fun being the evil Catwoman!
Suddenly, a glow came into being in the Cat's Lair, and a stern looking woman dressed like a Greek Goddess came walking out of thin air. With a voice like thunder, she said, "Selina, you must answer for your crimes!"
"Er, come again, you dully dressed bitch?"
"You have been a bad Catwoman! Very bad."
"But, I'm supposed to be bad, you stupid cow - whoever you are?"
The visitor didn't much like being called either a bitch or a cow, let alone being dully dressed, and she continued, "I am Fate, in charge of balances throughout the Universes. This Universe is out of balance, throwing off the balances of other Universes."
"You bore me, little mouse!" Selina launched herself toward the intruder, the cat claws of her gloves unsheathed, poisoned and deadly. "Now, feel the anger of Catwoman, and die!"
But a surprised Selina just bounced off an invisible shield, and went thump, ungracefully onto the floor!
"That's what I mean. No imagination, no sense of style - and just look at your costume! That dreadful purple color - no fashion sense at all. No, you won't do at all - and what about you and Batman? You two haven't fallen in love."
"Bite me - as if! He's my mortal enemy. He's good and I'm evil."
She sighed. "Exactly what I am talking about. You were supposed to be a figure of myth, of imagination, but you're just a vulgar crook. No, you won't do at all. You are going to be replaced."
Catwoman's magnificent young body stiffened. "Who could replace me?"
"You'll see!"
Catwoman's beautiful, sexy body froze, and an ugly green blob oozed out which was collected by Fate and put into a leftover Skippy peanut butter jar, and then the lid was sealed!
"Step one!" Fate said with satisfaction. She looked at the frozen body of Selina, and nodded. "Dont go away!"
* * * * *
Steve Zink sighed. Life had not been good lately - one problem after another. Topping it all off was Fictionmania closing. He looked at his costumes, so lovingly collected over the years - it's a shame they were no more than costumes, a pale shadow of his dreams.
Suddenly, the air shimmered into a rainbow and a smiling woman in the costume of a Greek Goddess entered. She pulled out a day planner. "Steve Zink?" she asked in a voice like music.
Steve could only stare and nod.
"Your hopes and dreams have bent the fabric of time and space in this Universe. So you have come to my attention. There is more than one Universe, there are countless thousands. Few know this, but great writers like Shakespeare, Moliere, Twain, Tolkein and Eric are somewhat in touch with them. A few lesser writers travel there in their dreams and bring back images that are sometimes translated into stories or even comic books.
"There is a Universe in which Hamlet stalks the battlements or people fall in love in the enchanted forests of mid summer night dreams, an eternal Mississippi River in which Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer float, where the Elves and wizards battle the forces of Sauron the dark lord, a world where Madam Olga (a cousin of mine) plies her trade in cheap carnivals.
"But more to your interest; there is a world where Superman flies the skies over Metropolis, and Batman guards Gotham from the machinations of the Joker - and yes, Catwoman."
Steve's eye's lit up like switched on searchlights. A world where Catwoman lived - really lived!! That would be glorious! Glorious! A dream come true.
"The Selina Kyle of this world proved just to be evil - a vicious crook with no imagination and no relationships; complex, flirtatious and dangerous with Batman. The bitch didn't work out at all. So, I am seeking a replacement. How would you like the job?"
Steve could hardly believe his ears. "ME?"
"Yes, I would take your soul on a one way journey to this Universe. There, I would put it in Catwoman's body. You would be the new Selina Kyle, dark mistress of feline cunning. Interested in the job?"
Steve couldn't speak - just nod.
"I thought you might be. Now, remember - there is no coming back."
Steve thought of his friends and family - he would miss them - but a chance to be CATWOMAN!? What a chance! What a life!
It seemed to Fate that as she transported Steve's soul, it had the form of a cat.
Even without eyes, Steve could somehow sense himself coming close to the frozen image of an incredibly beautiful woman - this was Selina Kyle - the body - the life that dreams are made of. He couldn't believe that this wondrous form would be his - no, hers! - to live in!
Steve's soul slipped into Selina's body - it was a comfortable fit - like a custom tailored boot. Fate was gone, and Steve moved - no, the person in this beautiful body, corrected herself - Selina moved, and with catlike grace. She stared with a wonder that would ever be a joy into the mirror. A beautiful woman - more beautiful than tongue could tell - smiled with never ending happiness into the glass. She felt she was home. Home at last.
All of Steve's friends were sad to hear of his sudden death, and mourned his passing - it was a shame a nice guy like him couldn't have his dreams come true.
* * * * *
Fate stared at the row of jars on her shelf - in one Miracle Whip jar was the soul of the original Batgirl - she hadn't worked out at all.
There were three jars of cream cheese spread that contained the souls of the three Robins - for some reason, none had been successful.
There was one jar of cold cream that held the original Elizabeth Bennett - she had just been too prejudiced.
Fate put down the jar of half eaten peanut butter. Fate was confident that Steve - the new Catwoman, would work out just fine!
* * * * *
Epilog
The lovely new Selina Kyle slipped into her skin-like Catwoman costume. No padding was needed now, no corsets, either. She stared at the proud figure in the mirror, and purred with satisfaction. And the boots - the boots were even better - more than she could ever have hoped for in her dreams. You often wonder how Catwoman or Wonder Woman start out in a scene wearing high heels, and then suddenly are fighting in flats? It wasn't sloppiness on the part of a director! Oh, no - the boots had special adjustable heels. A mere thought, and they could be anywhere from six-inch stilettos to flats! They were especially made for her! Steve, or rather, the new Selina, disdained the old fashioned purple, so instead wore a shiny midnight black. After all, she was in a sense of mourning. She laughed with delight.
The dark figure of an incredibly beautiful woman moved with catlike grace through the night, a delightfully wicked and playful smile on her beautiful face. A whole world was out there for her to tantalize and torment to the edge of madness and beyond. A whole world, but especially Batman. The poor man - the Dark Knight, the troubled Bruce Wayne, didn't have a chance! Not a chance in the world.
