The following story contains characters owned by DC Comics/Warner Bros. It is written as a fanfic parody story not intended to make any use of actual story lines in published books. The story is purely for fun, with no profit to be made by the author. It is free to be archived on any site wishing to do so, provided the author is given proper credit.
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The Bat-Files 2 "The Cat-Files" - by Steve Zink adapted from 'The Bat-Files' by Al Tootikian
Chapter 11 - Waylaid by Joker
Agents Mulder and Scully had just passed a sign on the road saying: METROPOLIS 50 mi. They were on the way out of Gotham City, and if nothing else came up, would soon be meeting another person who would give them more reason to add to the X-Files on odd, possibly extraterrestrial people.
Their possible meeting with Superman hit a detour. Fifteen minutes after passing the road sign, their car was stopped by Joker and Harley Quinn. It seems those two had managed to slip out of the hands of the Gotham City Police after Catwoman turned them over. Maybe the police were too much in awe of being helped by Catwoman.
Joker invited Mulder and Scully to join him with Harley in his Jokermobile. Since they had little choice in the matter, the two agents climbed into the rear seat. As soon as they were seated, Harley locked the doors, then raised a clear divider between the front and rear seats. She then activated a gas cylinder which filled the rear compartment with one of Joker's patented laughing knock out gasses. Scully started to giggle, and Mulder soon joined her in a deeper laughter. A few seconds later, both were unconscious.
Joker headed back to his factory with his precious cargo. He had plans for our intrepid FBI agents.
Chapter 12 - Changes
When they got to the factory, Harley brought the still unconscious agents into the building. They were stripped, then seated on the catwalk above the chemical baths. Harley set a remotely activated blaster in the knot of the ropes binding each of the agents' hands behind them.
Joker went up to the catwalk with a bottle of another laughing gas, this one with a stimulator in it to awaken the agents. Once again, Scully reacted first, blinking her eyes open, then giggling uncontrollably. Her partner woke up a few seconds later, erupting in uproarious guffaws.
When Mulder and Scully settled down a minute or so later, Joker looked down to make sure Harley was at the control panel, then said, "Perhaps you're wondering why I've brought you here."
Mulder looked up at the malicious madman, and said, "Scully told me about the visit you had her make here. Catwoman saved the day, and got her out of your hands. I suppose you wanted us both to see your playhouse, instead of just one of us."
Scully added, "I've already been introduced to your wacky funhouse, Joker. Why did you bring me back for a recap?"
Joker then let them in on his plans for them. "Yes, Scully, your bacon was saved by Catwoman. It seems she has been acting a bit strangely lately. Catwoman has joined the other side! We can't have a bad girl like her working WITH Batman and the police.
"Do you remember how I told you about the vat I was hoping to put Batman in, agent Scully? Well, I decided to put that vat to use a bit sooner. I'm going to give you each a bath in the vat, and when you come out, you'll both be changed the way Harley did. Did I tell you she used to be my psychiatrist in Arkham?"
"This goofy jester used to be a psychiatrist?" Mulder blurted out.
"Yes, indeed," replied Joker. "Her outlook changed completely after taking a dip in my special bath here. Isn't that right, Harley?"
The buxom jester in red and black said, "That's right, Mr. J," and took a bow.
Joker continued, "You two will still be a team when you've finished your baths. You might even still be able to function as FBI agents. Oooo, what a thought! Two moles working for Joker in the FBI! The good girl Catwoman is about to be deposed. You two are about to become the evil team of Catman and Catwoman!"
Joker gave a sweeping hand signal to Harley. She hit the switch, and the panel the agents were sitting on dropped out from beneath them. At the same instant, the blasters freed their hands.
Scully and Mulder hit the tank full of bright green chemicals with a splash. Both went under, immersing their entire bodies in the fluid. It was absorbed quickly into every pore of the agents' skins.
When they climbed out of the tank, the two looked up at Joker and smiled. "Hi there, boss!" said Mulder.
"Ah, I feel so much more catty," said Scully.
Joker smiled down upon his two new allies. "You two get rinsed off in the shower over there," he said, pointing at the end of the line of vats. "Your costumes are in the two rooms next to the shower."
As Mulder went under the water sprinkler, he took note of the changes the bath had made on his body, besides those done to his mind. His upper chest seemed to bulge with pectoral muscles, and the muscles in his arms and legs rippled as he moved.
Scully had a nicely built body before her dip, but as she was rinsing off, she noted the fact that her build was now more appropriate for a comic book bad girl. 'Oh, that's right,' she thought. 'That's what I am!'
Mulder entered his room and proceeded to put on a light grey unitard which clung to his body so closely that every one of his muscles stood out proudly. A grey cowl was drawn over his head, then tucked into the neck of the unitard. Grey combat boots were laced onto his feet, and grey gloves put onto his hands. There was now no way for FBI agent Mulder to be identified in his Catman costume.
Scully dried off, then went into the room adjacent to Mulder's. There she found her own costume. To a small extent, it resembled the purple costume of the woman she was about to depose. Scully picked up the glossy black spandex body suit, and pulled it on directly over her nude body. The way it clung to her now exaggerated body left nothing to the imagination. She picked up the black patent leather knee high boots and laced them on, marveling at the way they arched her feet in the high heels. She drew the elbow length black gloves onto her hands, carefully inserting each finger into the claws at the fingertips. A weapons belt with goodies devised by Joker was drawn around her hips, and secured well below her now tiny waist. A long black cape was clipped to her shoulders, and then a black cowl was pulled down over her head, with her now long black hair streaming out the back of the cowl and over the cape. The changed agent checked herself out in the mirror, and it was Catwoman who purred an approval of what she saw.
On cue from Joker, the doors to the two rooms opened, and Catman and Catwoman came out simultaneously. They nodded in approval at the first sighting of each other, then proceeded to the spot where Joker and Harley were waiting for them.
"My, don't you two look divine!" exclaimed Joker.
"Yeah, boss," squealed Harley, "they look like they're ready to take on Batman and Catwoman."
"That's right," remarked Catman. "Just let us loose. In no time, you'll have Batman in your fiendish hands, and there will be just one Catwoman."
He gestured to his ebony clad partner. "Meowwrrrr," Catwoman purred. "I can't wait to get my claws into her purple hide!"
Chapter 13 - Confrontation
Monday of the next week, Police Commissioner Gordon was surprised to once again see FBI agents Mulder and Scully in his office. "You two look like you just spent a vacation at a health spa," he said while admiring their much improved physiques.
"We had an invigorating set of special baths at a new health resort," Mulder replied. "We want to give special thanks to Batman and Catwoman for saving us both last week. Is there any way you can reach them for us?"
Commissioner Gordon reached for the red phone under a glass dome at the corner of his desk. "I can reach Batman right away," he told them. "I'm sure Batman can find a way to get word to Catwoman. It sure is nice to have her working with us, instead of against us."
Mulder and Scully looked at each other on hearing this, and smirked.
Batman picked up the Batphone on the third ring. "Yes, Commissioner?"
"Batman, I have some friends of yours here in my office. Agents Mulder and Scully have made a return visit, and would like to see you and Catwoman, to give you some special thanks."
"I would be honored to come down there and see Mulder again. I should be able to reach Catwoman within the hour. When you like us to be there?"
"Ask him if we could meet more privately, say in our hotel room," Mulder requested. "We'd prefer to not make a huge public scene. And tell him that 3 this afternoon would be a good time."
"Batman, Agent Mulder wants to know if you and Catwoman could meet them in their hotel room. They want to have a bit of privacy. And is 3 in the afternoon a good time?"
"Sure, Commissioner. I see no problem in that. And 3 should give us plenty of time to get ready."
"Thank you, Batman. Goodbye."
"Goodbye, Commissioner. I can't wait to see Mulder again."
Batman got out the note Selina had given him last week. For the first time, she had trusted him enough to give him the phone number of her suite downtown. He was still amazed that Catwoman had been able to live a relatively normal life right smack in the middle of downtown Gotham.
"Hello," she answered.
"Selina, it's Bruce. Those friends we made last week want to see our gilded selves this afternoon to thank us for the job we did."
"That sounds wonderful, Bruce. Where and when should I meet you to visit them?"
"I'll pick you up in my hotrod three blocks south of your apartment at 2:30 this afternoon."
"Okay, see you then."
After lunch, Bruce got into his Batman costume, then hopped into the Batmobile to head downtown. Selina got into her purple fighting togs, then climbed out her window to get to the roof. Fewer people would see Catwoman traversing three blocks on the roofs than at ground level.
Catwoman got to ground level moments before the Batmobile pulled up to a stop. "Hi there, big boy," she said. "Going my way?"
Batman got out to open the door for Catwoman, as if leaping into the front right seat was out of the question. "My, my, my," she said. "Such service! This looks like fun!"
Once they were underway, Batman turned to Catwoman and said, "I'll be glad when we can get a secured phone for your place. Talking on an open line is so risky."
"Mmmm, yes," Catwoman replied. "Hotrod, indeed! And, 'gilded selves'? You, sir, have got quite an imagination."
After a fifteen minute drive, they neared the hotel where Mulder and Scully were staying. Batman took the Batmobile into the parking garage below the hotel, getting some interesting looks from the attendants and other hotel guests.
Batman and Catwoman had only walked six car lengths toward the elevator when they were pounced upon by Catman and Catwoman. For the sake of this fight scene, the original will be called Selina and the newer Scully.
Batman didn't have time to go for any of the tools in his BatBelt, and resorted to a wrestling match with the figure in grey who'd jumped him.
Selina was caught unawares by Scully, and when Scully wrapped her own whip around Selina's arms, Selina couldn't get to her whip. As Selina struggled to move with the female in black holding her tightly, she saw her opponent reach into the bag of tricks on her belt. Scully grabbed a small squeeze ball and, holding it directly in front of Selina's face, crushed it. The cloud of green stun gas erupted into Selina's mouth and nose, and in moments, only a black clad Catwoman was standing.
Batman and Catman rolled back and forth between cars trying to get each other in a pin hold. Finally, Catman got on Batman's back, and with his right hand holding back Batman's hands, he hooked his left arm under Batman's chin. Pulling Batman's head up, not quite choking him, Catman yelled, "Okay, Catwoman, hit him with the gas!"
Scully almost casually walked over to her partner, then pulled another gas bulb from her weapons kit. "Hold your breath, dear," she said to Catman as she held the bulb under Batman's nose. Catman pulled back on Batman's head so that he would have to gasp for air, then held his own breath. Catwoman deftly wrapped her claws around the bulb, making it look almost sensuous, then burst it in Batman's face. The Dark Knight soon went limp in Catman's hands.
Chapter 14 - The Bat, the Cat, and the Joker
Bruce and Selina woke up to find themselves sitting naked in front of Joker. His accomplice Harley was standing behind him, and off to the side stood the pair who had brought them there, Catman and Catwoman.
"It would seem that my new friends have done an excellent job of taking you two down," Joker chortled. "I must say, you both looked more impressive in your costumes than you do in the raw!"
"What are you up to, Joker?" Bruce asked. "I'm impressed with your new allies, they have awesome fighting skills."
"That they do, Batman. They have an extensive background on which to base those skills, but you're not going to find out how. I'm going to give you a little bath to give you an idea of what you put me through all those years ago."
"And you," Joker said, looking directly at Selina, "have become a thorn in our side by changing sides. We'll see how much you want to help the police when you've finished with your own special bath."
While Joker was busy with Harley setting up the tanks, Catman and Catwoman went into a different set of rooms further inside the factory. There, they once again became agents Mulder and Scully, then departed to take their newfound identities to fresher ground. Washington, DC, was about to meet a hellacious duo of master criminals.
Joker and Harley were paying too much attention to their tank tinkering. Bruce was slowly working his hands free of the binding they'd been put in. When they eventually became free, Selina had already been taken by Harley to another spot.
Bruce saw his costume in a pile behind where they'd been sitting. Quickly and quietly, he gathered up the costume, then stealthily made his way to the doorway. Once outside, Bruce donned the costume, and Batman was now ready to take on Joker.
Would Batman be able to get to those inside before his newfound lover was changed by Joker into....
