The following story contains characters owned by DC Comics/Warner Bros. It is written as a fanfic parody story not intended to make any use of actual story lines in published books. The story is purely for fun, with no profit to be made by the author.
Here is Steve's story. He seemed to like it. I hope all of you do, also.
Chapter 3: The Bat in the Cat
Steve sighed wearily. It had been a long and hard year. He had fought with his former employer about their unfair and illegal firing of him. The fight had waged back and forth through the courts, and he had only recently received word that they were willing to settle. Maybe 2000 would be a better year.
At just over a day shy of forty-six years old, Steve was, unfairly he thought, spending Christmas alone. He lived, after all, in one of the babe magnets of the world, Central Florida. He was not unattractive, either. He stood 5'10" and weighed a trim one hundred and seventy-five pounds. His blonde hair and blue eyes gave him a boyish charm that seemed to attract a fair share of women, yet none with whom he felt right about building a life together. He had tried once and was still friends with that wonderful woman, yet here he was alone at five minutes before midnight on December 24th, 1999.
Looking at his small table top tree, Steve decided he might as well go to bed and dream about the single most driving passion of his life. Turning out the lights in his small living room, he turned toward his bedroom...and almost fainted.
Standing there directly in front of Steve was the Batman and his obsession...Catwoman. She was not as tall as he would have thought, while Batman seemed both taller and more muscular than even the comics pictured him. Catwoman was all lush curves and incredible bulges, with slightly slanted eyes of blue peering out of her cowl. She wore the classic purple outfit he loved so. It hugged every delicious curve of her body. Her overlarge breasts stood out in gravity defying splendor, with turgid nipples drawing Steve's eyes. The very lips of her sex seemed to be outlined by the revealing material. She wore thigh high black boots of kid leather with three-inch heels, and there was a whip coiled and tucked into the right one. Her hair hung in an ebony wave down past her shoulders. Steve thought his heart would burst with excitement as he gazed upon her.
"How...how...how..." Steve stammered, as he nudged his glasses to make sure he was seeing clearly.
"Do you do?" Batman rumbled, in an inquiring tone.
Catwoman elbowed Batman in the lower ribs, causing him to grunt in momentary pain. "Steve," she purred in her sexy contralto voice, "we are here to give you a present. It's a little gift on behalf of someone who loved you and your stories very much. Call it a combination Christmas and birthday gift, if you like."
Snapping out of his momentary fugue state, Steve grabbed hold of his mental reins. Of course, these were an actor and an actress that some loving friend had hired for this. No wonder they were both bigger and smaller than his vision of them from the comics.
"Wow! You two look great. This is really wonderful, but who hired you...and how did you get in here, anyway?"
Catwoman smiled at him. A thousand megawatt smile that almost took his breath away, again. "No one hired us, Steve. We came of our own accord; as for how we got in...well, neither of us has ever had much problem accessing places."
"So, now I'm supposed to believe you two really are Batman and Catwoman? Two comic characters come alive to give me some kind of present? Come on...what kind of a fool do you take me for, anyway?"
"Well..." Batman started, only to be cut off by the still smiling Catwoman. Her smile started to look eerily like a certain Cheshire cat.
"You will believe, Steve. Yes, you will." She purred at him as she slinked over by him. "We have this gift for you." Her breath was like warm wafts of honey and cinnamon.
Steve swallowed his heart back out of his throat, and looked at the gaily wrapped package she held out to him. "What's this?" he asked.
"Open it, Steve. Open it, and believe." Then with a wink, she kissed Steve on the cheek. Drawing back, she smiled and blew him another kiss and made a sudden motion, as if throwing something at the floor, and they were gone in a bright flash. Gone as if they had never been there at all. Steve might have chalked it up to his frazzled nerves and an over active imagination, had it not been for the thin package in his hand.
With trembling fingers, he opened the package. Inside was a comic book. Issue number one of THE CAT AND THE BAT! A new comic? It was just a new comic?!!? Sitting down, Steve figured he had been played for a fool but good, and some friend was having a good laugh at his gullibility. Still, it was a heck of an expensive joke, and a new comic was a new comic. He opened the front cover, and the world exploded with color all around him.
The world slowly swam into focus back around Steve. His head thrummed like a buzzing hornets nest was competing with a marching band for possession of his poor head. He felt a chill wind against his face and his long hair streaming out behind him. Long hair? What long hair? Steve always kept his short.
With his eyes still tightly closed against the headache, Steve brought his right hand up to his face, almost poking himself with the long nails. His heart began to hammer in his chest. 'What the hell is going on?' he thought to himself. Then he heard the deep bass voice rumbling to his right, even as a strong arm encircled his slim shoulders from that side, "Selina...Catwoman, are you all right? You took a bad fall." The voice was filled with concern. Concern, and something else. Something Steve had not heard a male voice direct toward him since he had been a child on his father's knee.
"Wha...what did you call me?" Steve immediately moved his hand to his throat. The voice he'd heard was a sexy alto. Smokey with sexual innuendo. He noted the lack of an appreciable larynx bulge in his, no HER, throat. Steve was now sure of what she would find when she opened her eyes at last.
"Easy, Selina. I've notified Commissioner Gordon and his men as to where they can find the Joker and his bunch. They should be here soon. Meanwhile, I've called the Batmobile over the remote com. I'll have you back at the Batcave within fifteen minutes, and then we can give you a good examination and determine if you need hospitalization."
Steve opened her eyes. There were no glasses before them, and everything looked clear and sharp. As her face was pointed down, the first sight she saw was a pair of magnificent breasts covered by a thin purple catsuit that did little to disguise the roundness of the feminine peaks. Her eyes traveled down her body, drinking in the vision. 'Whoa,' she thought to herself. 'Was there LSD impregnated in the ink of that comic book, or what?'
Steve noted the opera length gloves that covered her hands and arms. Each finger was tipped with a hooked claw that shielded her own natural nails. She carefully flexed her slim hands, depending on the strong arm of the man next to her for support.
"It's a good thing you took my advice and reinforced your cowl with that kevlar skull cap. You might have been killed otherwise." For the first time, Steve looked up into the face of her companion. The intense brown eyes almost took her breath away. His chiseled features and rugged physique were all her woman's heart could desire in a man.
Despite the nomex blended into the spandex material of her costume, Steve shivered slightly and immediately regretted even this small movement. Nausea swam up in a wave, and darkness rose up to claim her. The last thing she saw before giving in to the darkness was the Batman's face as he called her name over and over.
------
After a dreamless time, Steve awoke again. Lying on her back, she felt silky material clinging to her. Opening her eyes, she saw she was in a huge room, easily as big as her entire house back in Florida. A fire roared in a fireplace as big as a van. French doors led out onto a patio area. The bed she lay in was a huge four poster, with satin sheets. A flimsy silk nightgown was on her body. 'It wasn't a dream,' she thought. 'I'm really here. I'm really Catwoman!'
She noted her costume draped across a heavy chair nearby. A long black wig was sitting upon the seat. Her own long blonde hair tumbled about her shoulders, like silken wavelets crashing against an alabaster shore.
As she sat upright, she felt the heavy sway of her breasts. Her breasts. What a wonderful sensation. She smiled to herself as she noted that her sex was not covered with any panties.
"Hello, sleepy head." She whirled at the sound, reflexes she didn't realize she had bringing her onto her feet in a fighting stance. She relaxed as she saw the vision before her. He was 6'2" with a compact muscular frame that was accentuated by the tight smoking jacket he wore. His hair was midnight black, and his smile was soft and filled with concern.
"Planning on attacking me?" he asked with a boyish smile.
"Oh...of course not...Bruce. You just startled me, that's all. How long have I been unconscious? The last thing I remember is sitting up in an alley and then getting sick and...and...then nothing, until I woke up here." That at least was true, and a lot safer than trying to lie to the world's greatest detective.
"After one of Joker's men got off that wild shot that severed the line on which you were swinging, you fell about twenty feet into the alley. Fortunately, some garbage cans broke your fall, or it may have been much worse. So you remember that?"
"No." She shook her beautiful head as she replied. The feeling of her hair swishing across her bare shoulders was intoxicating, as was the gentle sway of her bosom.
"Yes, well, you woke up and seemed disoriented. You didn't seem to know who you were for a moment. Then you got violently sick all over me." His smile was rueful as he said this. "Then you passed out again. I rushed you back to the Batcave, and got you stripped down and onto the diagnostic table. It verified that you had a mild concussion, which probably accounts for your confusion, illness, and strange EEG readings."
"Strange EEG readings?"
"Yes. They don't quite match up with the ones on file from before your fall. Hopefully there is no permanent damage, but I want you to take it slowly until we are sure you are up to form. You stay here at Wayne Manor...okay?" This last was asked almost shyly, as if he was afraid she would refuse.
"Of course, Bruce. If you think that is best."
He seemed nonplused for a moment. As if her reply was out of character. "Good. Yes, fine. Then that's settled. You've been out for almost thirty-six hours since you blacked out. I was beginning to worry that I made a mistake in not taking you to a hospital. All those questions though; it could, you know, be a problem."
Again she noted the seeming shyness, and deference to her, present in his voice. Looking at him, she could see it in his body language, also. He looked for all the world like a love struck schoolboy. 'He's in love with me!' she thought to herself. Steve felt more confused than ever. Fantasies are wonderful, as fantasies! The reality might be more than she could handle.
"Nightwing, Robin, and Batgirl are taking over my patrols while I am helping you test yourself. I wouldn't want you trying to go back on patrol before you're ready. You might endanger us all." He harrumphed this last, rather clear, justification for spending time watching over her.
"Of course." Steve smiled at her man. Her man? Thrill chills chased themselves up and down her spine.
------
The days went by in a blur. Alfred was a dear who puttered over her constantly, like a mother hen. Bruce was always there, too. He justified this by saying that Bruce Wayne had not taken a vacation in years, and people were beginning to talk. It was good for his rich playboy image to spend a few weeks with a beautiful woman, holed up in his palatial home.
Robin and Nightwing were less trusting, but eventually decided that she meant no harm to Bruce. Finally, Dick approached her one night after Bruce had made a run into town to a ribbon cutting ceremony he couldn't get out of.
"He really loves you, you know." His voice was a strong baritone.
"Yeah...I think I do."
"I've never seen him like this. He would ditch it all tomorrow for you. Wayne Enterprises, being the Batman, everything...if you asked him."
"What are you saying, Dick?" Steve was mystified at what the handsome young man was getting at.
"Bruce is in his early thirties now. He can't keep up leading this double life forever. He's still in his prime, but in a very few more years, he'll begin to slow down. If he quit now...well, there is myself and Robin and Batgirl to take over for the Batman. Heck, I could even take over AS the Batman. Bruce and I are about the same size, and no one knows him better than me. No one, that is, except maybe you." This last was rushed out, in a single breath.
"You love him very much, don't you?" She didn't really need to ask, it was obvious in the man's voice and body posture.
"Damn right I do. The question is...do you? Do you, Selina?"
Steve took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. What he said in the next few moments could alter not only his life, but comics also, forever after.
When Bruce got home, he found Selina waiting for him. She was wearing a sheer blue gown that floated around her like a diaphanous mist. Her blonde hair was shining in the gentle firelight. "Bruce," she said, "we need to talk."
"I know, Selina. But please let me go first, before I lose my nerve." Reaching into his tuxedo pocket, he brought out a small velvet covered case. Going to one knee before her, he took her tiny hand in his.
"Selina Kyle, will...will you consent to being Mrs. Bruce Wayne?"
Steve thought she would faint.
------
The papers were full of the news that billionaire industrialist Bruce Wayne and stunning socialite Selina Kyle were wed. Commissioner Gordon soon retired and, on his recommendation, Bruce Wayne was appointed in his place. Some questioned the wisdom of this. After all, what could this rich playboy possibly know about crime fighting? Their fears were soon put to rest. Batman kept patrol with Robin, though Nightwing mysteriously disappeared. His passing was not much noted, though.
------
As Selina waited for her husband to come home, she walked out onto the patio. The night was mild, and the stars shone brightly in the crisp December air. It was hard to believe it had been a year. Almost exactly a year since her encounter with the two strangers in Steve's old house in Florida. It was a long way from Gotham...a lifetime away.
Looking up toward the sky, she thought she saw two ghostly outlines hovering there. She wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light, or her imagination, but suspected that it was neither.
"Thank you. For this...all of this, thank you," she whispered.
"Selina?"
She turned at the sound of her husband's voice. "Out here on the patio, Dear."
"What are you doing out there, woman? When the man of the house is standing here wanting to show you just how much he loves you!"
"Why, Mr. Wayne!" she squealed, as he whirled her up in his arms. Overhead, the nighttime sky was split by the familiar Batsignal. "Do you miss it, Bruce?"
With a smile, he replied, "Why don't I show you?" And suiting action to his words, he did. Later that night, as they lay together, Selina rolled over toward her husband and said, "Bruce, I have something to tell you. We're going to have a baby."
Bruce was ecstatic. "Selina...oh, my lovely Selina!"
Shsshing her husband's outpouring of love, she said, "I have every reason to believe it will be a little girl. If it is, do you mind if we call her Helena?"
"Anything you want, my Darling. Anything at all." Bruce smiled at her.
'After all,' Steve/Selina thought to herself, 'we don't want to stray too far from comics history.' And with that final thought, she sank into her husband's arms and the sleep of the truly happy.
------
Elsewhen, a comic book closed. A house that had been occupied, suddenly was empty and for rent. The large man and the tiny woman stood outside, looking at the dark house.
"Maybe we should have told him," John said. "Given him the choice."
"Oh, like you gave me, Mr. O'Rourke?!!" his cousin Terri replied. "No, Steve was better off not knowing he was about to have a fatal stroke. He's happy now. Finally, he's happy."
And with that, the two faded from sight.
------
"What? Fred, it's none of your business what they were doing! What goes on between a man and a woman, in the privacy of their home, is no one's business but theirs! Really! What would your folks say about such impertinent questions? Now, if you lot don't settle down right quick, then I won't tell you about Jack's friend, Charles Matthias! That's better."
"You see, it went like this..."
