Reference is made to actual people, this is co-incidental and nothing should be inferred from this.
This is a fanfic parody, purely for fun, with no profit to be made by the author.
My thanks to SteveZ for his editing and suggestions
Dusk was falling as the group moved along, following the strangely dressed guide. They went past great soaring stone walls, the same walls that had for centuries held back the invader and criminal alike. The same castle walls that surrounded them had protected the British Crown Jewels almost since time immemorial. The famous Tower of London! 
"The fortress known as the Tower of London was built around the end of the 11th century..." droned the guide, a middle-aged man in strange red raiment, liberally adorned with black and red designs and even frilled ruffs around the neck. He led this latest group of Americans around the Tower, showing off all the historic relics and artifacts still used today. This group was special, however. Instead of just the usual mix of American, British and Japanese tourists, this group was one person's entourage. The famous singer Cher and her party were touring Europe, and she had a gig tonight in London.
The Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone, a big fan himself, had arranged for this private showing around of the Tower especially for Cher and her party.
As the party passed a pair of warders standing at attention, one turned to the other and whispered, "How does she look so good after all these years? How old must she be? I remember her with that Sonny guy when I was still at school, long before I joined the Army!" 
The other Yeoman agreed, "Yeah, I know, she must be older than us, and she still looks fantastic! If I were a few years younger, I certainly wouldn't throw her out of bed. You know me, John, when we were in the regulars, we were both forever shagging the women wherever we ended up! What did our old Sergeant Major say, 'If it move's, salute it, if it don't, paint it, and if it's a skirt, SHAG it!'"
"Yeah, and THAT is shaggable!" John agreed with his fellow ex-sergeant, for all Yeomen came from the armed forces with the rank of Sergeant or Sergeant Major.
Unfortunately for them, Cher overheard them. Today she was dressed quite conservatively in black blouse and tight blue jeans, with a sweater over the blouse. Her incredible long hair was rich auburn today, funny, they could have sworn it was blonde when she arrived.
With a wave of her hand, Cher stopped the tour, at least, it stopped for her party and all the other visitors and Yeomen to the Tower, except the two Yeomen she now approached. The rest of her party, the guide and Ken Livingstone just remained in place, silent and unseeing.
"So, you miserable males, you think it's funny to speak so of an attractive woman, do you. Well, I object to being treated as a man's sex toy, and I really get very pissed when I hear someone talking about me as I heard you two doing!" Cher stormed at the stunned Yeomen.
Apart from Cher's rantings, there was not a sound that they could hear, no boats on the river chugging along, no excited babble from the other tourists, not even one of the famous Tower Raven's cawing. Just silence, and that only when the woman paused for breath.
"We meant no offense, marm, we just..." Jacob started to say, fearful for his job if she decided to complain to the Mayor or worse still, the senior Yeoman, but he was interrupted by Cher, still in full flow.
"'We meant no offense,'" she mimicked. "Well, I took offense, and I never let someone offend me and get away with it! You are no different than any of the others who've insulted me. Even my own son, well, daughter Chastity. She is now female, but still likes other women." She paused, and smiled cruelly.
"Now, what shall I do with you? Shall I change you to become some of your famous ravens, perhaps, or shall I complain to that idiot you elected as Mayor, or shall I have some fun with you both? Hmm, what do you think I should do to you?"
"Err, you could accept our apology and go on with your tour," John suggested, rather optimistically, concerned at the ravings of this obviously disturbed woman. Even if she is a famous singer, it sounds like she's round the bend, as it were.
"Not a chance! The tour will not continue until I allow it, and the rest of this area, to continue forward in time. For anyone who enters, time will stop, until I have dealt with you. Yes, I will make it so that you never again offend a woman, no matter who she is nor what she looks like."
The two Yeomen looked at one another and nodded to one another, a signal from their days as active soldiers, meaning 'Run Like Hell!'
They tried, but to no avail. Their legs were stuck, they could not move anything from the neck down. All they could do was watch and listen to Cher as she started to wave her arms in strange gestures, muttering half heard words, which made no sense at all to the two men.
"Night, day...female, bird...dressed, naked...male, silence...Tower, power!"
(I know, it makes no sense to you, either, but we are hearing only part of Cher's incantations.)
A soft blue glow started to form in between the trio, rapidly becoming a ball of electric blue, almost too bright to look at directly. Another pass of her hands, and the ball split into two, each now moving to float directly in front of each man, about the same height as their navels.
"Transform!" Cher said, her voice ringing with latent power, the walls around them shaking as she did so. The balls of light paused, then with a 'Whooosh!' of displaced air, zoomed one into each man, disappearing in an instant inside each's stomach, pinning them against the wall.
"Aarrrrgggghhhh!" the two moaned in unison, as they were both suffused with a hard blue light surrounding their bodies. For a few seconds the light pulsed too bright to see what was happening. Then it seemed to melt from their heads downwards.
Where moments before had been two 50-year old men dressed as beefeaters, now appeared two quite different people.
John was now Joanne, her much younger face appearing from the glow. Her long, dark brown hair cascaded down from beneath her beefeater hat, whilst her very expressive eyes, beautifully made up, stared out above a pert little turned up nose over pouted full lips, glistening with deep red glossy lipstick. As the light dropped lower, her white ruff surrounding a very shapely neck above a well endowed bust, straining the fabric of her now abbreviated beefeater uniform appeared. The uniform now stopped just below her crotch, with a tight black micro miniskirt, just covering black nylon panties above some long, shapely legs which ended in short black socks with a pair of stiletto heeled patent leather pumps.
Jacob, who had watched in horror as his friend was changed, now felt that he, too, was different. He looked down at himself only to see, herself. Jacob was now Janice, and as she moved her head to look at Joanne, then down at herself, realized that she now had matching length hair, only hers was deep black and also reached half way down her back. Neither knew that they were now twins in appearance, with 38-24-38 figures, and although they could feel the restrictions of a bra, they didn't yet know that they matched their panties, black and lacy nylon, but as the light faded, they found that they could move again.
The first thing they both did was put one hand on their new breasts and the other went to the empty space in their crotches. Both realized pretty much together that the additions of voluptuous and sensitive breasts and VERY sensitive vaginas, not to mention the lack of penises, meant that they were now female. Absolute stunners, from the look that each was giving the other.
"What have you done to..." Joanne broke off, that was not her voice, was it? It was a beautiful woman's voice, surely, one which earlier this evening would have had him eating out of the owner's hand. It was so sultry and sexy, he would do anything for a women who spoke to him in that voice, even if she only asked him the time of day.
From the looks of Janice, she also was reeling from the fact that she and Joanne were no longer 50-year old men, but female and around 20-24 years old, and beautiful to boot.
"So, now you will find out how pretty women are treated, at least you will at night. By the time dawn breaks each day, you will need to find somewhere to store your clothes, as you will change again. This time to become Tower ravens, one male, one female, and you will take it in turns to be female. This way, you will be able to help maintain the raven population here. Try not to be part of the next cull through, won't you?!
"Come the evening, you will revert to being as you are now. So, in all modesty, try to find yourselves somewhere near where you hid your clothes, won't you? You might find it rather embarrassing, not to mention chilly, when you change from bird, to, well, bird! Yes, you will revert to human form, quite naked. Once female, you will find yourself drawn to the bright lights of London's nightclub areas. I hope you will enjoy being attractive to the men around here, they certainly will!
"Oh yes, one little extra I endowed you with, if you both have sex with the same man, on the same night, he too will become female by the morning. Let's see him try to explain that to his wife or workmates! Of course, you are unable to discuss this with anyone else. Even if you were, do you really think anyone would believe you?"
"Who, or what are you?" asked Janice in a very sultry voice, almost singing her question. Any man who heard her would fall in love with the voice's owner, and want to make love instantly.
"Well, about time one of you thought to ask that. Shame, for you, that you didn't think before you insulted me, and women in general! I, my dear girls, am an almost immortal sorceress, and unlike my cousin, I will not turn you into bimbos, but allow you to keep what intelligence you have. Now, be on your way, enjoy your night out on the town, but remember, be back here by dawn so that you can find your clothes in the morning.
"Imagine trying to explain to your fellow Yeomen, and the police, what you are doing stark naked inside the Tower of London, when it's all locked up for the night. I can just imagine your being in jail for the night, only to transform into ravens at dawn, and have to try to get out of a prison cell and back here, with clipped wings!" Cher finished her statement with peals of maniacal laughter, as she left the two women and returned to the tour group.
"Well, Joanne," said Janice, "shall we go and find some fellers to treat us for the night?"
"Yes, I suppose we'll have to see about quenching the hunger that bitch has left us with. But I've had an idea on how we can earn us a little money at the same time," Joanne said.
As the two made their way toward the exit, she explained. "Looking as we do, we could always try to get work as models for Beefeater Gin, they are always on the lookout for new girls for their adverts, and after all, we have our own costumes! Just so long as they will photograph us in an evening. Anyway, we can think about that later, now let's go get laid!" 
Cher watched the two babes wiggle their pretty little bottoms away as she returned to the group, positioning herself roughly where she had left them. With a wave of her arm, her hair returned to it's original blonde, after all, how many blonde witches do you know, and the group unfroze to conclude the tour.
"In 1603, part of the Tower became a museum, for the display of what became known as the Crown Jewels..." the voice of the guide faded away as the group moved deeper into the Tower.
The end.
